bittersweet endings

the wedding!

2011-04-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

My beautiful sister Brittany got married this past weekend. it was fabulous, beautiful, hopeful and wonderful!

Miguel and Brittany are the perfect fit for each other. She had gone through so much before meeting him, but once she met him, all the past hurt and confusion went away. she knew he was the one for her and he loved her crazy, strong personality. this is them during their first dance. i love this picture!!

I was the freakin' MOH! brittany let me pick out my outfit and i also picked out the flowers. Mine are cornflowers and spidermums, def. adding a pop of color!

Here is me, brittany and my brother dan. we were always close growing up and now we are all so much older, its crazy! i love both my brother and sister more than anything and i would do anything for them! isnt that what siblings should do??

Erin was my wedding date! she was a lot of fun...and she is my best friend!!

I have to say that this wedding gave me hope! as corny as it sounds, it is true. somewhere, out there, there is a boy that will love me, inspite of my imperfections. i am a crazy girl, i love to smile, i would give my right arm to someone i loved. i am stubborn, i get jealous, i may not always act my age, but i have a heart of gold, just waiting to be loved!! and it will be! <3

to you

2011-04-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

"Thinking Of You"- Test your Reflex

I'd like to be, in a room just you and me

We'll talk our eyes to sleep

And when it's over and we part, you'll remain inside my heart

You see I can't forget your face, your face, your face

No.. No, oh, oh

C'mon, my love, it's you I'm thinking of

Each time, we kiss, your hand upon my fingertips and

It's not, that bad, just don't forget what we have

And time, won't mean a thing, cause I'll be thinking of you love

It's been three months and now you're running circles,

Deep inside my head

When I thought all the love inside of me was dead

So don't think twice my love, oh no, about how much you mean to me

I'll say it one more time, so loud, so clear

You are the only one, the only one that's ever really listened to me

You are the only one, the only one that's ever really mattered to me

So don't you go (Don't you go)

C'mon, my love, it's you I'm thinking of

Each time, we kiss, your hand upon my fingertips and

It's not, that bad, just don't forget what we have

And time, won't mean a thing, cause I'll be thinking of you

Come now don't worry about the things you'll do next week

For just this once we can pretend, it's you and me

And everything that falls between the lines won't mean a thing

So take my hand, we'll run away

From everything, from everything, from everything from everything

C'mon, my love, it's you I'm thinking of

Each time, we kiss, your hand upon my fingertips and

It's not, that bad, just don't forget what we have

And time, won't mean a thing, cause I'll be thinking of you love

my roommate, Chelsea

2011-03-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

Chelsea Shearer.

my roommate and i started living together this year. before Chelsea, I lived with a girl that really wasn't like me at all... but somehow we had made it work, most of the time. after one too many fights, she moved out. i wanted to make sure that my last year of school, i lived with someone that really was fun, like me and who i would ultimately get along with.

chelsea and i both play basketball, we have similar friends and were both from the 717.

when i asked chelsea to live with me, i'll never forget her expression on her face. she was so excited that we asked her to live with us. (megg, meg and i). when she said yes, we were all so excited and looking forward to the new year ahead!!

and now that school is almost coming to an end, i can honestly say that asking Chels to be my roommate was one of the best decisions I had made.

reasons why:
1. there is never a dull moment, a moment of awkwardness, or a moment where i feel uncomfortable around her
2. we laugh all the time.
3. we are smart asses
4. we make fun of the same people
5. she listens to me complain
6. she gives me advice when i need it most
7. she is so laid back, considerate and cool
8. we sing wedding singer songs at the top of our lungs. or little mermaid
9. we never got in a fight
10. i'd kill for her
11. we understand each other's sarcasm
12. she pushes me during workouts to be faster
13. i love her mom

chelsea and i really are fortunate to have found each other. she is an amazing person inside and out. so beautiful and giving, and most of all an irreplaceable friend to me!!

Going after what you want

2011-03-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

i dont want to just settle just because what i want isnt there at the moment.

i dont want to take myself down a path that really isnt right for me.

i know people say that when you go down a different path, that is when you find yourself the most.

but i rather figure out exactly what i want before doing something just because it's there

why is it impossible to hold out for the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the perfect life??

is it that those things don't exist??

i like to think that they do .... otherwise, there's no point in having dreams and following after the things that you really want.

first step is to figure out what exactly it is that you want
after that, it's obtaining it, which can be done!

things to work on:
1. self confidence
2. figuring out myself before involving someone else
3. being happy
4. knowing that ultimately, you need to listen to your gut

mistakes=fate

2011-03-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

"You need to see that life is not always perfect. We will not always get what we want. And though it hurts a lot, what should've happened, happened. Who should've left, left & whatever has thrown you off course will always bring you to where it is you need to be."

lately things have not been going my way. but this quote truly describes it all. i need to understand that life is not always going to go the way that i planned for it to go. i won't always get what i thought i wanted. i feel like in life, we have this clear vision of what we think is going to happen, or what we think is supposed to happen. . . buuut it never happens that way!

i guess that's the beauty about life. we get surprised in ways that we never thought we could.

i hope that the things that have thrown me off course will somehow bring me back, and bring me things in life that will only make me happier and more grateful for what i have.

Carrie Bradshaw said it.....

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate."

i believe that.

KE$$$$$$$$$$HA

2011-03-01T12:13:00.000-08:00

this year our school is bringing Ke$ha to us at the end of the year for our concert.

I CAN'T WAIT!
finally we will have a concert that we can have a blast at. in the past we have had some bad bands that really didn't hold much interest to the students...but booking ke$ha has guaranteed an almost sold-out concert and record ticket sales!

I mean who doesn't love a girl that sings about JackDaniels, P-Diddy, Mick Jagger, Glitter, Man-gina's, etc....

Although Ke$she might not be the most talented vocally, she sings about things that we all can laugh about and party too. Since last year her songs have been a hit on the Lyco campus. I remember my suitemate Megg first heard Tik Tok and she played it non-stop... your love is my drug is another favorite one and then blah blah blah really gets people going too.

needless to say i am sure that she is going to shock the crowd, probably sing horribly and give us all a night to remember. it's the last concert for me at school and i know we're going to make it the best one yet!!

What you got boy, is hard to find

I think about it all the time

I'm all strung out my heart is fried

I just cant get you off my mind

my favorite women

2011-02-24T12:42:00.000-08:00

blake lively <3lady gaga <3sarah jessica parker <3

let's just face it. women rule. we truly are a unique gender. we have beauty in our fingertips. we are graced with fashion, make up, hair products and styles, and we are finally getting respect. women are not ones to be messed with. right now, women are making their ways to the top and beginning to retire their husbands. HA ... bet men never thought that would happen!

i am proud to be a woman...and i want to be one of those women who makes the world a better place! oprah move over...im comin' :)

Happy Hour

2011-02-22T20:33:00.000-08:00

I love a good happy hour. Last night my friends Meg, Erin, Leah and i went to Benji's for their happy hour. it's amazing what girl time can do for you. we had a blast and laughed so much, talking about girl stuff, sex, boys, school everything! its nice to know that friends will always be here.

i think that the idea of happy hour if great. clearly we all need things in our lives to make us happy. we want to surround ourselves with good friends who make us look to the brighter side of life. happiness is something that you cant take for granted, we should all look at the things in our lives that make us happy and be grateful for them.

Here are 10 things that make me happy:
1. Sunshine-coming from everywhere, or even your own sunshine that you radiate
2. Friends, Beers, a camera and a hot outfit
3. SHOPPING! nothing makes me more satisfied than an all day shopping extravaganza...well maybe some things ;)
4.SEX....enough said
5. Hearing my favorite song on the radio
6. Surprises
7. My friend's being happy!
8. Corn on the cob, summertime, hot air and short shorts
9. thinking back on memories ---its always fun to reminisce
10. Love. the possibility of love. loving yourself. loving each other, spreading love through a smile

right now i am so happy with life, so happy with the soon to be unknown

change is here

2011-02-15T12:18:00.000-08:00

tonight is my last home basketball game.

basketball has been such a huge part of my life since i was 11 years old. i cant imagine what my life is going to be like without it. without practices, games, a team! i am having a hard time comprehending just how it is going to be or how it is going to feel.

i have so many awesome memories from the sport! my first season ever playing we were 0-14 lol most of us had just begun playing and none of us were any good. but our next year we had great improvement, being 9-5! that season of 6th grade i had a game high of 29 points, when our team won 36-32. i still have a yellow note pad where i wrote out all my points and the records from that year. i scored almost 300 points as a 6th grader. we had fun plays called Nsync, Lobster, Boys---its so funny thinking back. and those plays always worked!

after that it was off to middle school, where as a 7th grader me gabrielle and aislinn were pulled up to the 9th grade team. i remember doing 2 on none constantly and foul shots/sprints in the old middle school gym that had a slippery floor and horrible lighting. the next two years i played on this team, and that is when we really starting meshing and playing well together. gabrielle's dad was the coach and was a great one. in the off seasons, we played for him under his AAU team called Chickie's Rock. we met a lot of girls from the other schools in our league that became friends to this day and we learned even more. it was at those practices that i was taught the up and under move that became to my friend janelle's deadly weapon in her career, except when she played us :)

then high school came. my 9th grade year i played both JV and varsity, totaling in 46 games. i was starting varsity and jv and playing most of both games. 10th and 11th was all varsity. my senior year was very special because the 6 of us were all so close. my best friend gabrielle and i played so well together and always knew where we were on the court. it was the first year that we made it to districts in 4 years and we worked hard but most importantly had fun.

the summer before that year i played in various shootouts, but it was the the gettysburg one that coach henry from lyco saw me play at. after that, it was a regular sunday night thing talking to him on the phone. coach ditzler came to my holiday tournament, where we beat CV in OT. I was named the tournament MVP and thats when i am pretty sure ditzler knew that she had a good player coming in.

freshmen year i started here at lyco and have ever since. ups and downs occurred as usual but my overall experience has been great and i have earned a lot of respect in the conference. i have made some of the best friends i'll probably ever have and i have been able to play a sport that i love so much and that has taught me everything about myself and others.

basketball has enriched my life in many ways and to see it come to end breaks my heart. but like all good things they must come to an end. tonight is almost that ending. our last game is saturday...after that, it's good-bye basketball. i honestly don't know where the time went or how it went by so fast but it has.

it certainly is *bittersweet*.

my friend joe

2011-02-10T11:57:00.000-08:00

my friend Joe and i met almost 2 years ago through my best friend Gabrielle. Gab had always talked about this joe guy cause they both went to etown at the time. i came to visit her a few times but he never went out when i was there. the last weekend of sophomore year, i went and stayed with her. the next day, gab, ashley and i all went camping at ashley's camper. joe was going to come that night to drink hang out and just have fun with us. that was the first night that i met him.

that summer, joe and i hung out a lot with his friend andy. gabrielle was down in myrtle beach, so usually the 3 of us would just hang out, do nothing, go to the movies or bowling or even a phillies game. i always had so much fun with them. the following school year, we would hang out on breaks, talk from time to time and we got to see each other a definite two times every time that we played each other in basketball.

i grew to really care for him and think of him as my best guy friend. growing up, i had a best guy friend eddie but after sheldon and i ended, eddie usually hung out with him instead. also, eddie had a girlfriend which made it hard for us to spend time together....needless to say, eddie and i grew a part. i will always think of him as my best childhood friend.

but joe is mine now. i love the fact that i can be my complete self with him. i dont ever feel stupid or feel like i need to impress him. he is fun and makes me laugh. we always are laughing together. he is the type of friend that is rare! thinking of him throughout my days always brings a smile to my face and makes me feel warm inside!

Joe is sincere, genuine, funny, adorable, trusting and one of a kind! he truly has a heart of gold! not to mention he comes from a great family and has great goals. Him and I are going to rule the world :)
i believe that my best friend is the best!

the gAmEs we PLAy

2011-02-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

how do we know if we're ever playing games with people?

and

how do we know if people are playing games with us?

it seems as if the world is all messed up and no one can get out of the mindset of playing games.

and nobody wants to be played with, so they play games too so that they aren't the one being played.

and.... are we really playing games with others, or are we just playing games with ourselves?

for me i always have a hard time making up my mind. sometimes i am one way and other times i am the complete opposite. i allow others to influence my thoughts and perceptions. i wish i was stronger than that and didn't let it happen.

i have been hanging with a guy and i have been on and off about my decision on whether or not i still want to
so he tells me that i need to make up my mind because he doesnt have time to play games
so i ask him, if we keep hanging out will it be exclusive or not?
he says im not trying to exclusive

that right there is a game to me. he wants to hang out with me but wants to hang out with other people too, keep his options open for something better that may come around.
i am too jealous of a person to just sit back and hang out with someone, start to like him, and then see him with someone else the next day. i know he is being straight forward and people think by doing that they are in the clear but that's still not cool.

i wanna be one of those girls sometimes who don't give a shit about what guys are doing with other girls than me but that's just not me.

i do care about being exclusive and being with someone for the right reasons and i want to get back on that track. i will. i just need to not text when im drunk :)

Mr. Darcy

2011-02-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

Watching Pride and Prejudice makes me wonder, does a love like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett's ever really exist? Can two people fall in love through conversation, dancing and the simple touch of the hand? In our world today, i would say probably not. As much as i want to believe it, its hard to believe that two people would be able to do such a thing.

"You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. "

maybe i am living in the movies, but i want someone to love, love, love me. i wanna know what that type of love feels like. minus the lust. i feel as if i have been in lust just never been in love. sure, i have felt love and i feel as though i have but what it all comes down to is lust. the sexual drive, the body talking to your head and not your heart talking to your head. sex is easy, love on the other hand is not.

i feel like a lot of us are scared to fall in love. i know that most the time i am. i want to be in love with the great guy who is amazing, who is my guy and can be with me and my friends but is a guys guy...one i can trust and love and be myself around. but i just dont think he exists yet and thats okay that he doesnt. im not ready to put myself out there with the chance of being hurt.

love and life are about taking big risks.

and love also brings confusion, jealousy, trust issues and risks of being heart broken! everyone thinks they want to be in a relationship until they are! then they want to be single...how will anyone ever really be satisfied with what they haveeee????

i think that people will be satisfied once they are satisfied with themselves. once they can say what they want and what they dont want. when they can decide where they want to go out to eat at or what they want to drink that night. as simple as it sounds, it seems as if everyone is still trying to figure it out.

what i want in life

2011-01-27T12:14:00.000-08:00

"I Used to be Fat" is an awesome show! i have watched it the past two days but always have to leave at ten of so i get to class. not only does it promote good health but it promotes self confidence and motivation which is something everyone needs in their lives. it was heart warming to see the transformation that the 18 year old boy went through! makes me happy, especially to see others reach their goals. it makes me think about my goals and what i want to do with life.

1. be happy, even under the worst circumstances!
   it's so easy to get down about little things but in reality, we all have a lot to be happy about. we should look to those things and be positive about them.

2. make family and friends a priority.
   not that i dont do this....but its important to tell the ones in your life that are there for you that you love them and are thankful for them

3. be more self-motivated
4. have a better self confidence
5. love who i am
   all of these are so important! i dont even feel like i have to say why

6. workout!!
   once basketball over, the only person who will kick my butt will be me. i need to stay focused with it and make sure that i dont let myself go too far. my friend danielle told me last night that i looked really good, with a flat stomach. i havent had a flat stomach since freshman year so she definitely made me feel good. i know once basketball is over its going to be tough to get back into the swing of things but i want to do that and i dont want to drink beer all the time either. that's a big reason why the stomach hasnt been flat!

7. Love.
  love is a small word that means so much, it can touch ppl in a lot of different ways and it can change lives.

8. Save money!! $$$$$
   probably one of the hardest things for me because everyone knows i love to shop!

i think everyone should set goals for themselves and try to stick to them. goals help ppl be who they want to be and reach for something that might not have been there before.

this life

2011-01-21T21:48:00.000-08:00

"This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you" Taylor Swift

taylor is so lucky...she can express exactly what she wants to say in lyrics that are so beautiful with so much truth. in our lives, i wonder how many ppl have something to say but never actually say it? i know for me there have been so many times that i just wanna say something out LOUD but i dont, i keep it to myself. i dont know if i am more afraid of someone's reaction or my own.
there have been many ppl, especially boys come in and out of my life that i never really got to say what i wanted to say to them. over the years i have been more open but i guess i was always more closed off in saying what i really wanted to and just said what they wanted to hear. my sophomore year i finally stood up for myself and said exactly what i wanted to say and i saw the impact it made. honesty is strange and hard to take, but it opens eyes more than anything and makes you think about situations, yourself, others and exactly what you are doing!

"And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
We can plan for a change in weather and time
I never planned on you changing your mind" Taylor Swift

I always wonder if those guys, that were oh so important to me once in my life, ever think about me/us now? in my past i would usually let a guy take advantage of me and my kindness and do absolutely anything for him...and in return would just be let down and heart broken. then a couple weeks later i would hear from him, saying that they realize now what they lost. isnt that the worst thing a boy can say to you...."now i realize what i lost, i see now just how good you were to me."

i hate that line!!!

"So here's to everything, coming down to nothing
Here's to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute
But I don't anymore" Taylor Swift

i think the most important thing of all, is through all the relationships i have been in, i know myself. and stay true to me, or atleast have since my last long relationship. i learned that you should never change for a guy, never alter a part of you to fit someone, because that guy should love you for who you are. he should love your imperfections and never want them to become perfect because they are what make you who you are!

and bottom line..it's all about having faith for that someday...and until then, just having FUN! :)

the same mind

2011-01-20T12:15:00.000-08:00

do you have one of those friends that reads your mind and then when you are about to say it out loud they say it with you??? :)

i have one, and i wouldn't replace her for anyone. i met her going into my sophomore year of college. we were at basketball camp and she was a quiet freshman, just simply observing and taking in all the different personalities.

after camp i wrote on her facebook wall : hey babe! i am so glad i met you at camp! :) you fit in with our team so well and we're gonna have so much fun this year!

hahaha and i was right! we had so much fun. i think back to my sophomore year and just remember all the times that erin and i were together, doing anything or nothing but it all meant something. we grew so close and i knew that she was a friend that i would never be able to replace!

each year we just get closer and closer. erin is a distinct individual with a drive unlike no other. she is passionate about the things she wants, she loves the people in her life, she would drop anything for anyone to help them and she is smart. she is caring, always willing to lend her shoulder for me, and she is unique-never caring about what others think. she brings out the best in me, and reminds me everyday that i matter. everyone deserves a friend that will do that for them!

i <3 my best friend!!

You are unrepeatable.

2011-01-18T12:15:00.000-08:00

My sister Brittany just sent me mail today. I opened it up and it was a magnet that said:

"You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is all your own..."- D.M. Dellinger.

She said, Tuffy (my nickname) i saw this and thought of you. love, big sis.

my sister has always been a person that i look up to and admire. she is the smartest person i know, always had good grades, made good choices, set a good example, handles her money well, is out of control, high strung, loving, dramatic, childish, mature, beautiful, gutsy and grounded. she has knowledge about so many different things, things that i probably will never know anything about.

growing up we shared a room and like any two sisters that lived together, we fought over who's side was who's. or over when we went to bed or when we woke up, about clothing, music playing in the room ect. but we also got along. we were always there for each other and it was comforting to know i had her. when she went to college i loved the freedom of having my own room but once i got here it was nice to finally have a roommate again. after 4 years, i want to move to where my sister is. i just love her! and at the same time i sometimes want to strangle her but that's family love.

i am so excited because she is getting married in April! today i went and bought the bridal shower invitations. it's really special to be a part of her special day as the maid of honor. she is going to look beautiful on her wedding day...

i strive to be as great as my sister, even though we are completely different people we are very similar. sometimes i'll catch myself sounding like her or saying something she would say and i laugh. but like the quote, there is a magic about me and there is a magic about her. and even though we have similarities, it's our differences that make us special and unique.

i plan on speaking at her wedding and saying the quote from "In Her Shoes" the movie with Cameron Diaz.....

I carry your heart with me(i carry it in

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) (E.E. Cummings)

Not trying to copy...but i just loved it :) and even though it's meant for brittany and miguel...i guess the truth is that i will always carry her heart in my heart cause she has helped me be who i am today and find my own magic**

love your family always!

i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done

dedication

2011-01-13T12:11:00.000-08:00

what makes people more dedicated than others in life? I am in my 4th year of college basketball and my team has lost the past four games now in a row. how does one team go on a winning streak and the other go on a losing streak? what makes someone a winner rather than a loser? what if the person who loses really isn't a loser to begin with? maybe that person just has bad luck or circumstances are different for them. maybe they weren't recruited by a winning program but a program in need of wins. we play teams that are 15th in the nation and we keep up with them but come up short... what do they do that keeps them on top and us on bottom? people ask me what i am dedicated to or what i am passionate about and sometimes i say basketball, other times i say family, friends, music etc... so do the teams that are on top always 100% say "basketball" ? in high school too, my team never was the top dog but we did beat some top teams. but we didn't make any history that was left behind except for the history we remember ourselves. to me, that is enough. my years of basketball have taught me so much about things in life like the way to handle yourself, your leadership skills, and how to deal with wins and losses. throughout the years i have managed to emerge as a leader. i have earned myself respect for how i act on the court but also how i act off the court. i feel that these are more important than my win-loss record. in my eyes, even though we lost four in a row, i am still a winner. i have followed my heart to do something i love and i never gave up. regardless if i only have 11 games left of my competitive basketball career... i will take all that i learned to my next team, whether it be in the work force or in a family.